Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
