I want to make a zoo with you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
