How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
