my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
