Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
