Don't you send me to vm
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
