i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
