I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
