Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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