I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
