I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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