we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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