idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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