Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
