I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
