This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
