If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So vagazzling was a success
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
