Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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