i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
