dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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