she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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