I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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