Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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