My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
