I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
