so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
