That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
