It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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