I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
