my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
