she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
