My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
