I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
