i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
