Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
