well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
