Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
