tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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