I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize