its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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