I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
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