woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
