from now on my penis is your penis
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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