just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
