You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
