U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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