So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize