I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize