last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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