girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
