We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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