we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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