Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
