wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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