Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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