I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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