I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
