I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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