Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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