So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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