u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
