i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize