apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
