This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
