He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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