I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
